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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:12:42 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:12:42 GMT -5
What's the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:33:39 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:33:39 GMT -5
How does a ranger tell if he's being chased by a black bear or a Bigfoot?
He climbs a tree. A black bear will climb up after him, a Bigfoot will just knock the tree down.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:37:10 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:37:10 GMT -5
Rangers advise visitors hiking in Bigfoot country to avoid surprising a Bigfoot by wearing little bells attached to their clothes and to carry pepper spray just in case.
Q: How do rangers tell if there are Bigfoot's in their area?
A: By examining the scat they find. If it's black bear scat, it contains leaves and berries and smells musky. If it's Bigfoot's scat, it contains little bells and smells like pepper spray!
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:48:24 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:48:24 GMT -5
Why do Bigfoot's have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:50:10 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:50:10 GMT -5
painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of Bigfoot's laying sod across the street.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:51:01 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:51:01 GMT -5
What does a Bigfoot say when she gives birth?
Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:52:37 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:52:37 GMT -5
Two Bigfoot's had just gone fishing and brought in the largest amount of fish they had ever seen.
One said to the other, "Did you mark the place where the fishing was so good?"
"Yes, I put an X on the side of the boat."
"You idiot. What if we were gonna take a different boat next time
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 22:56:51 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 22:56:51 GMT -5
You might be a Bigfoot Jedi if.....
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side ...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle ."
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:14:47 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:14:47 GMT -5
Old Men
Two old men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a Bigfoot by the other man and asked if his Bigfoot bites. The man said no. So the other man reaches down to pet the Bigfoot and the Bigfoot bites him. The Man said "I thought you said your Bigfoot doesn't bite". The other man said "that's not my Bigfoot"
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:19:50 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:19:50 GMT -5
Q: Why did the Bigfoot lawyer cross the road?
A:To corrupt the other side.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:20:38 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:20:38 GMT -5
Q: Why did Dr. Bigfoot cross the road? A: To help the patient find the other side.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:21:46 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:21:46 GMT -5
Q: Why do Bigfoot's hum? A: Because they don't know the words
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:22:47 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:22:47 GMT -5
Q: Why was the Bigfoot perched on a telephone wire? A: He was going to make a long-distance call.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:24:28 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:24:28 GMT -5
Q: Diner: I can't eat this Bigfoot. Call the manager. A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:25:26 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:25:26 GMT -5
Q: Where do Bigfoot's go when they lose their tails? A: To the retail store.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:26:29 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:26:29 GMT -5
Q: Why is a tree like a Bigfoot? A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:27:38 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:27:38 GMT -5
Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops? A: They crossed a Bigfoot with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:28:27 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:28:27 GMT -5
Q: What is the difference between a bigfoot and a social worker? A: It is easier to get your kids back from a Bigfoot!
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:29:31 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:29:31 GMT -5
Q: Why did the Bigfoot cross the road? A: Chicken's day off.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:30:21 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:30:21 GMT -5
Q: How can you tell if an Bigfoot is getting ready to charge? A: He pull out his Diners' Club card.
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joke
Jun 23, 2006 23:37:44 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 23, 2006 23:37:44 GMT -5
This is one smart Bifoot
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a Bigfoot with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The Bigfoot knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb Bigfoot." As he reaches up to smack the Bigfoot, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The Bigfoot growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the Bigfoot, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the Bigfoot growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The Bigfoot threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the Bigfoot home. The Bigfoot quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The Bigfoot walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the Bigfoot's owner screams at the Bigfoot.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart Bigfoot you've got there," comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid Bigfoot--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.
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joke
Jun 24, 2006 10:29:56 GMT -5
Post by greywolf on Jun 24, 2006 10:29:56 GMT -5
Were did you get this stuff?
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joke
Jun 24, 2006 20:01:26 GMT -5
Post by vance winsor on Jun 24, 2006 20:01:26 GMT -5
Hi Greywolf: i could not find any bigfoot jokes so I took other jokes and made them into bigfoot jokes. I had to do something to get this section started.
til later
Vance
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